Saturday, August 23, 2008

Acting like i haven't dreamed of you and i and marriage in an orange grove

1. McSweeney's Internet Tendency is sometimes very funny. I first discovered this a few years ago when i read the following by contributor, and "verbal cartoonist," Dan Liebert:

Fun Facts to Know and Tell.
Some so-called superstitions have a solid basis in fact. For instance, if you're leafing through a magazine at a newsstand and a subscription card falls out and touches the floor before you can catch it, you will die before nightfall, because I will follow you home and kill you, I swear I will.

Kind of, a lot, like a Jack Handey. For those that wish there were two Jack Handey's out there in the world.

Anyway, i rediscovered McSweeney's this past week, when i was randomly going through their "Lists" feature, a collection of really funny and unnecessary lists about anything, and i laughed and laughed alone in my cold, cold basement. There are so many lists, so start with these:
- Things My Father Has Said to Me in Crowded Restaurants
- What People Said Tornadoes Sounded Like Before the Invention of the Freight Train (in Reverse Chronological Order)
- Pickup Lines to Use While Moving
- Topics of Conversation at My Cousin's House on Any Given Holiday
- What My Father Said About Thanksgiving, What I Thought, and What He Meant
- Relationship Advice I Might Give, Considering How My Last One Ended
- Text Messages That Would Have Been Helpful

Oh, bahaha!

2. Do you have an interest in photography that does not really exceed oh-wow-four-photos-in-one and i-wish-my-photos-looked-like-dreams? This is the Lomography Diana Dreamer Camera:

To be perfectly frank with you, it makes me want to name my children Diana. Diana Dreamer is a remake of the vintage all-plastic Diana camera, she is beautiful, and doesn't she make you want to wander around a park and lie down on the grass and take photos of clouds that look like animals or food? The camera young Amélie is holding there is probably the Diana Dreamer in black. No, i'm just kidding. But seriously, my heart yearns for this camera the way only a heart unfamiliar with photography can yearn for a camera. Does that make any sense? Sold exclusively at Urban Outfitters (your photography one-stop shop, right?) and look! it has one review that gives it 5 stars out of 5, so you know it's good. If i were to submit a list to McSweeney's it would be

Adjectives Urban Outfitters Uses to Describe the Diana Dreamer Camera That Totally Appeal to Me
dreamy (yes, twice!)

Also, check out Lomography Diana + Camera. It's also pretty cool but i can't write about cameras on this blog forever.

3. daytime fantasies

4. Do you like sunglasses? Sure you do! But do you like them as much as me? Yeah, why not! But do you like them enough to spend $108 US on one (vintage) pair? Why am i suddenly so materialistic? Oops, that was an aside. Anyway, these two pairs of sunglasses are really cool, but also super expensive. It's a good thing i don't put a lot of effort into being stylish -- i'd be poor. And we all know i'm leaving that economic position for after university.

5. I can't wait for this movie to be released in Canada so i can want to go see it, not go see it, wait for it on DVD, never find it at Blockbuster, and then buy it Previously Viewed for $4.99 six years later. But seriously, it looks so good.

6. There are a lot of things one could say about the following song. Could one, like me, say it better than Sean from Said the Gramophone? Probably not. All i will say is this: "you're the only thing in any room you're ever in"? Oh god. Can real life be better than that?

Elbow - Starlings [mp3]


juliet small ernst said...

so many great things on this blog! thank you for the nod. i'm so glad i discovered your work. i, too, have spent many solitary hours laughing at mcsweeney's lists. have you read the book? also, the western spaghetti of the previous post was wonderful!

thank you again. will be checking in regularly.

Anonymous said...


and yes please to orange groves

C.S. said...

Do you realize that there's an Urban Outfitters that opened on Princess? And do you also realize that "In Search of the Midnight Kiss" was reviewed in the New Yorker - and was called cliche?

C.S. said...

This is Celine, btw.

Anonymous said...

you need to update this blog, ok?

i can't keep coming on here and being disappointed.

please rectify this situation with haste.

thank you